growing up – Part 1

Lights up

Scene opens in a high school lunch room. Steve and Jason are best friends and have been for 10 years, therefor Jason gets the pleasure of hearing all of the drama Steve lives in. Joy. Today’s update is about Steve and Anastasia’s, his girlfriend, date last night and the horrific ending of it.

Steve: And then she just got out of the car, called me an ass and strutted away.

Jason: I think I missed how you fucked up. Usually I can find her logic, but this time…

Steve: You didn’t miss it; I didn’t fuck up. She was being a moody bitch. It her “thing” now.

Jason: Well you can avoid her or talk to her, because the queen has entered the lunchroom.

In glides Anastasia with her posse right on her heels. She stops at the door to make sure all eyes turn to her. She wears only the nicest clothes and no one has ever seen her not put together, except Steve and Jason. Her eye catches Steve and Jason from across the room and she begins to descends on them.

Anastasia: Hey Cassy, you look so cute today. Marie, did you do something new with your hair? (not waiting for an answer) It looks super presh. Hey Charles (winks).

Locks eyes with Steve, goes to kiss him, but right before their lips touch sits on Jason’s lap

Anastasia: Jason, why are you so cute? We need to find you a girlfriend. hi.

Steve: Seriously.

Jason: Can I leave before you two fight; I have things to do and…

Anastasia/Steve: no.

Jason slides to the chair next to Steve, otherwise known as Anastasia’s chair. The posse reaches the table and starts to lay out Anastasia’s lunch in front of her.

Steve: Can you not do that yourself? (beat) When we started dating you hated the populars, now you are the popular. Where did you go?

Anastasia: (looks up from phone) did you say something?

Steve: never mind, your highness

Anastasia: look, I wanted to talk about yesterday (dismisses the posse).

Steve looks up, thinking she is finally going to apologize for something

Anastasia: I understand why you did what you did, but I wasn’t wearing the right shoes

Steve/Jason: (looking at each other) the right shoes!

Anastasia: seriously, don’t be butts (nudging whoever is closest)

Jason: ah, she is back! how was popular-ville

Steve: yes, I missed my girl

Anastasia: (slips off her shoes) I swear, why people though wearing heels to school was a good idea is beyond me.

Steve: then don’t wear heels, what happened to the converse I got you?

Anastasia: Those aren’t “trendy” anymore. But I sure as hell wish they were.

Jason: Well, Queen B, make them trendy. If you say it is, then it is. Pick what is trendy. It doesn’t seem that hard…

Anastasia: Oh, Jason. You really don’t know anything. We need to get him a girlfriend.

Jason: I am an independent man who don’t need NO woman.

All laugh. Anastasia starts to eat from her purse

Steve: no one is watching, just eat your meat.

Anastasia: people are always watching, so the fake vegan in me will enjoy my purse meat. (Beat) wait that sounded gross…

Steve: (flirty) well you’re gross, so it works.

Jason: and on that note, I’m leaving.

Anastasia: Why, where do you have to go? Or “get done”

Steve: so you were listening.

Anastasia smiles and turns her attention back to Jason

Anastasia: Wait, is there a girl?! Steve he has a girl. A GIRL! Who is she? Do we know her? Will we like her? Bring her to eat with us! PLEASE!

Jason: (bashful) nope, no girl

Anastasia: oh, then bye

Jason slips out of the cafeteria unnoticed. He smiles has he greet someone of stage.

Steve: so last night? Was it really just your shoes?

Anastasia: god no. I just wanted the bimbos to think that. It was the fact that I feel like I am two people all the time and I hate it. I want to be done with this, but don’t know how.

Steve: You need a new Queen B, or some scandal to get more attention than you.

Anastasia: if only scandalous things happened here

Steve: (leaning in to kiss her) you’ll find something (Steve tucks her hair behind her ear) you always do.

Bell rings. As students scatter Jason slips back in. His shirt is messed up and he fixes his hair.

Jason: come on love birds or we’ll be late for bio.

The posse returns to take Anastasia uneaten meal, as the trio exits. A figure appears from where Jason just entered from. The posse chats as the set up the scene for after school.



Steve: I think Mr. Lawson eats the frogs we dissect

Jason: Why you don’t like his frog breath mints? They are personally my favorite thing about him. That and he “I just rolled out of bed” hair at 2pm.

Anastasia: Be nice. He is a good teacher and that is all the matters.

Steve: Oh, does someone have a crush?

Anastasia: yes, because my boyfriend is an oaf

Steve starts to fake tackle Anastasia to the ground. As they mess around Jason joins in. It soon becomes a laughing fit as they all collapse to the ground. Anastasia’s clothes are messed up, some dirt has gotten on them, but she doesn’t care.

Natalie approaches the rumble. She is a senior and leads the school with an iron fist. It is clear she is above Anastasia.

Natalie: Back to your old ways I see. (don’t allow Anastasia to answer) If you want to be popular you need to ditch dumb and dumber.

Steve: Important question, which on is dumber?

Anastasia: (hitting Steve) Sorry Natalie. Do you like my new channel skirt? (she notices the dirt on it)

Natalie: Seriously? (she struts away in to a group of men who begin too droll over her)

Anastasia: FUUUUCK. Why does she only see when I fuck up? Why couldn’t she see me at lunch, or in bio. UGH

Steve: You didn’t fuck up.

Jason: yeah, you just took the stick out of our butt for a second. Here do you want it back? (handing her an imaginary stick)

Anastasia: Thank you (taking stick) I need that. It has been passed down from popular to popular.

Steve: (grabs pretend stick) Can we pretend you aren’t popular just a little longer? I like this Sia better.

Anastasia is taken back by hearing “Sia.”

Anastasia: you never call me Sia

Steve: because you aren’t her anymore…

Jason: and on that note…

Anastasia: (snapping out of love bubble) Where the hell do you have to go now. We were having a moment

Jason: You two were having a moment, I was just being the best third wheel in the world.

Steve: is there a girl? Are you holding back?

Jason: I’ll let you know. (winks and walks away)

Steve: holy shit.

Anastasia: holy shit.


Anastasia: he is growing up. He found a mate.

Steve: don’t say mate.

Anastasia: I need to know who it is, let’s go!

Steve: stop. He will tell us when he is ready. Plus, I think we can find a better way to fill our time

Anastasia contemplates both options

Anastasia: I think queso is a great idea

Steve: That’s my girl

As Anastasia and Steve exit. As they exit Jason strolls back in. It needs to be obvious this is a new location. Throughout the conversation the sun is setting.

Jason: “I like you” mh “I like you” uh no “I just wanted to say I like you”

Taylor: (from around the corner) I know

Jason: How do you know I was talking to you?

Taylor: I know these things.


Taylor: You didn’t tell him, did you?


Taylor: I can’t do this anymore. Not if you won’t tell your best friend about me. What, are you ashamed?

Jason: (Sharp) NO!

Taylor: then what?

Jason: I don’t know. This is my first relationship; I don’t know how to do this.

Taylor: (holds hands) I’ll guide you (Kisses his forehead)

Jason: I’m sorry I suck at this. Will you sit with us tomorrow?

Taylor: As the cool kids table. Ooh, I don’t know

Jason: you don’t…

(during Jason’s line) Taylor: I’d love to

Jason: have to.  You’re great, you know that right?

Taylor: I know.


Jason: I’m sorry I didn’t tell them.

Taylor: it is really okay. I know this is hard on you, especially because Anastasia is an “it” girl, and her wanting you to have a girlfriend, and her and Steve wanting to know everything about you.

Jason: I’ll text him right now

Jason’s phone appears on the screen. A text to Steve appears as Jason types: I meant to tell you sooner, but I wimped out. I’m seeing Taylor Alexander. I assume Sia will see this, so let her know Taylor will be at lunch tomorrow and she can interrogate them.

Steve and Anastasia are on the other end of the stage when the text sends.

Steve: You need to read this

Anastasia: Oh, he is growing up.

They exit while talking about the text

Jason: read at 7:23pm (puts phone back in pocket) no turning back now.

Taylor: no turning back


you’re gone…

I don’t know if you have noticed, but I don’t really do emotions. I do sarcasm covered in more sarcasm, and if you look really really closely you may see a hit of feelings. But sometimes I crack. I am not titanium. I’m a rock and rocks go through erosion.

Let me explain.

I got home form Ireland and zoomed to Austin for sorority shenanigans. One afternoon, I got a text form my old best friend saying, “Something happened last night and I think you need to hear it from me. Call me as soon as you can.”

After talking to her, I was calm, I was thinking of others, like I do. Thinking about what I could do, who I could help, who needed my comfort. But after the fact, I felt the hole in my heart. The gap creating more and more space in my chest. He was gone, someone I had 20140309_134410once used as my rock, my protection, my best friend was gone.

*Sidebar*     I don’t emote in public, for some reason I have always disliked it and felt I can’t do it. It makes me feel uncomfortable and weak, yet no one has every told me that. I don’t even feel comfortable crying in my bed and letting my roommates hear me. I tell people I am always there for them, I am a shoulder to cry on, yet I never let anyone take care of me.   *Sidebar Over*

The worst part was having to be okay, because I was on the third floor of a house with 197 women in it. Women who didn’t know, and didn’t need to. I had to be okay. I had to be
focused and working, not breaking, crumbling, and wanting to run home as fast as I could. I got through a day, and tore myself away from people the second I could. As soon as everyone started falling asleep, I went outside and laid on the grass, the sobs rang in and  day broke too soon. Time to be okay again.

My face and heart were saying two different things. I starting acting when I was 7, so by 20 I had mastered my 10,000 hours scientifically calling me a master. Throughout the day, news broke out back home about what happened, and my shell started cracking ever so slightly, but few noticed. People didn’t connect the dots between him and me, because we had kept our distance in recent years, a mistake I realize now. Our lives where in two different worlds, I didn’t know his secrets anymore, but I hold on to the fact I knew his heart. Hearts don’t change, and his was one of my favorites.



It’s been close to three months since he passed away. Three months. The wound is still there, the hole and the hurt come around every so often, but so does reminders of his life.  Reminders of who he was in songs, in stories, in random faces on the streets. I don’t believe he is gone, he is just here in a new way. Losing him was terrible, but knowing he is no longer in pain makes it better.


so biking…

So, I started riding a bike around campus and it is an adventure. Here are the rules I have learned.

First you have to remember where you locked it up, if you don’t you spend two hours panicking thinking it was stole. This I have done way to many times. WAY to many.

Second, look out for people and cars. The streets aren’t that bad because cars look out for you. But people are the worst. On campus there will be individuals that will walk out in front of cars and bikes and expect them to stop. It is crazy; they think they are Moses and they can part the traffic for themselves. If this happens to you, you’ll probably fall off your bike and the person who made you crash will laugh at you. It is so great.

That point brings me to three, falling will happen, it will hurt. I currently have a permanent bruise on my right leg and a scar on the other. If you fall, just get back up and keep going like nothing happened. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down.

Lastly, remember to have fun. Take new paths, try to work on some tricks. The other day I re-mastered biking without hands. Biking is fun, so don’t forget it. It is a great way to exercise without work to hard.

Biking is great, go do it.

Ireland Ruined Me.

Now, before you think this is going to be rude, it isn’t. Take a deep breathe. Now you may read on.

Ireland Ruined Me. I am finished. Done. I peaked. It is time to give up. I will never, ever, get over the fact I lived in Dublin, or worked at the GEC.

20160610_170001I check the website and twitter way more than I should. I look at photos of Ireland all the time. I still email Lisa, Vicky, and Linda (hi friends). I have tried to find cheap flights back, but there is no such thing as a cheap international flight. People have started to tell me to stop talking about the GEC, but I can’t. (and I don’t want to)

The other week, the GEC posted about the Christmas party. I then asked my parents for an early Christmas present… I asked if I could go to the party. My dad laughed in my face. Not a chuckle, but an evil Santa Clause laugh. Like he was jolly about not letting me go.

I peaked. I will never find a place like the GEC or live an adventure as challenging or wonderful as living in Ireland alone. I just signed for my apartment next year and I wish I signed for a place in Dublin.20160602_171239



I peaked.

I’ll just start my walk back to Ireland now. The ocean isn’t too wide, right?

Texas Football

snapchat-3239327023765481626This is the time for cheering, fights, and most of all WAY to much burnt orange.

Football season pushes the Fall semester along. It keep it going because you know at the end of the week the entire school will come together to fight whatever team wants a challenge.

Now, UT isn’t the best at football. But we love it. We support it. No matter what time, we are there. We aren’t there for the game necessarily, we are there to build up the egos of our football team. We are there for the beer. We are there for the free food. We are there because it is the southern thing to do.

This is one of the only times the entire school comes together. It is a time when you see people you don’t want to see. It is a time you sometimes don’t remember… But, it is great.

Please know this is AMERICAN football. This is not soccer, no one really likes soccer. But here, everyone loves football.



My heart hurts. Not because of who won or who lost. It hurts because of the cruelty all around me. It hurts because people are attacking each other, yelling at each other, and calling off friendships. It hurts because people are losing their humanity.

As the votes streamed in, words began to fly across rooms. Targets were placed on individuals with different views. Dagger eyes stabbed each other. Hearts were forgotten, and it it’s place, pain and anger. Tonight I witness bullying because people exercised their right to vote. I witnessed tears for the lost of their candidate.  I witnessed hate.

The past year has not been “fun,” it has been hard, but it is over. If you voted, you did you part. If you didn’t that is fine too. If you feel abandoned, don’t spit hate at others, talk about. If you want change, make it. America is build on the back of individuals who wanted change and sought it. So go seek. Don’t lie in your bed, or couch and wish for change because faeries and genies don’t exist.

Trump will be President, Hilary will not. This is a fact. You can like it. You can hate it. It doesn’t change.

Tomorrow you are still you. You have to deal with the mess you make. You have to support America, because this is your home. You have to remember to breathe. If you need to cry, do it, but don’t make others cry.

Tomorrow will be hard, but it will be okay.